Animal Jokes

How does a fish pick its nose?
With a fish finger!

What happens when a cat eats a lemon?
It becomes a sour puss!

Why are elephants wrinkled?
Have you ever tried to iron one?

What do you get if you cross a fish with an elephant?
Swimming trunks!

Why do elephants never forget?
Because nobody ever tells them anything!

What day do fish hate?
Fry-day.

What do call a bear with no ears?
B!

Where do cows go on Saturday nights?
To the MOOO-vies!

Why is it hard to play cards in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs!

When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
When you’re a mouse!

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!

What does a kitten become after it's three days old?
Four days old!

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A walkie talkie!

What kind of animal goes OOM?
A cow walking backwards!

What animal has more lives than the cat?
A frog, he croaks every night.

What is a crocodiles favorite game
Snap

What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?
He gets toad away.

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a pig?
A bird who hogs the conversation.

What did one flea say to the other flea?
Shall we walk or take the dog?

What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a flower?
I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it!

What’s the difference between an injured lion and a wet day?
One pours with rain, the other roars with pain!

What is the strongest animal?
A snail. He carries his house on his back!

What is the difference between a flea and a wolf ?
One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!

What did the clean dog say to the insect ?
Long time no flea!

How do you find where a flea has bitten you?
Start from scratch!

What do you call an elephant in a phone box?
Stuck!

What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a balloon?
POP!

Where do hamsters come from?
Hamsterdam.

What kind of snake is good at math?
An adder.

Why are igloos round?
So polar bears can’t hide in the corners!

What do you give an elephant with big feet?
Plenty of room!

How do you get an elephant down from a tree?
Put him on a leaf and wait until autumn!

What’s grey and squirts jam at you?
A mouse eating a doughnut!

Why aren’t elephants allowed on beaches?
They can’t keep their trunks up!

What has six eyes but cannot see?
Three blind mice!

Joey: I lost my dog.
Lauren:Why don't you put an ad in the newspaper?
Joey: Don't be silly! He can't read

How does a hedgehog play leap-frog?
Very carefully!

What happened to the cat that swallowed a ball of wool?
She had mittens!

What do you call a gorilla wearing ear-muffs?
Anything you like! He can’t hear you!

What do you give an elephant that’s going to be sick?
Plenty of space!